pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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