So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
