Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
