Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
