how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
