i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
