Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Shitshow foam night was such a success
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
