No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
