just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
