i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
