guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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