Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
