I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
