sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
