My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
