It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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