Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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