and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
