so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A bitchslap is in order.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
