the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
