just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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