standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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