I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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