i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
