Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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