i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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