That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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