Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
