My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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