bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
