I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
