he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
