if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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