She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
