Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
