chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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