omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
