When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
