OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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