Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
