its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
