When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
