My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
