I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
