I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
