Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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