if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
