I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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