Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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