my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
being pregnant is like rehab
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
