I want to walk on stilts...naked
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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