Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
