I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
